i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
