Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
