you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just had sex bonerless
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
