first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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