Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
