hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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