Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
