im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
