She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
