The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
