you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
