i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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