I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
