a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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