she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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