Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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