i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
