The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
