never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
