Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
