I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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