Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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