walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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