Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
