My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its liver damage thursday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
