I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
