Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
