Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
