My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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