But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
