found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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