Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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