i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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