I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
