Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
