i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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