Umm I'm too high to move.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
