Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
