i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
