Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
