Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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