dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
