The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
