Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
