: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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