I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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