Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
