I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
