Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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