We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
