I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
