This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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