question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
