i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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