lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
