her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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