I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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