He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
