Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
