I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
