He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
