How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
