That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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