you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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