My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
