i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
