Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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