dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
