forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
