i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
