Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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