I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
