I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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