Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
