Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
