That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
