Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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