I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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