I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
