I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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