the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
pray to the hookup gods
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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