I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
