Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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