I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at about main and main street
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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