she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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