ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
