we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
