he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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