Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i would punch a child for taco bell
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
