Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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