Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
