I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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